This is it. This is what you trained for. The crowd screams, but you can’t hear them. Your adrenaline is pumping as you size up the man across from you. Your checklist goes through your mind. Fists up, good stance, knees bent. Quick distance check with a jab. He’s in range. Your hips rotate right, back foot turns, and your right cross catches him just under his left eye – right on the button. He falls to the ground. The crowd erupts. You can hear them now and notice they’re filming you with their phones. If only you had taken some boxing lessons.
Why Boxing Lessons are Important
Blood covers the face of your adversary and is leaking on his shirt, which has a Disney Dad logo on it. His Mickey Mouse ears are lying three feet from his head where they were perched seconds ago. You’re about to go viral for getting into a fight next to the giant teacups at Disney, but it still feels great because your training paid off.
You never know when or where it will happen, so it’s best to be prepared for it. Learning how to box will not make you the next Mike Tyson. That’s not the point. What it does is teach you how to avoid a fight, but also gives you the confidence and skill to strive should you find yourself in one. It’s time to get your ass to a boxing gym to prepare for your viral moment.
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The History of Boxing:
Boxing is one of the original sports. It’s nearly as old as the oldest profession – carpentry. Get your head out of the gutter. As a sport, it dates back to around 3000 BC, but as long as humans have existed, they’ve found a reason to fight. Boxing is the natural progression of two kids getting in an argument over a juice box and meeting at the bike rack after school.
Manly men, with chest hair and bulging arms, became the warrior class by proving their strength and discipline. These were the men sent to war. Inevitably, war leads to peace, and these men came home with idle hands and a hankering for combat.
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The Romans loved to watch men boxing at the palaestra, ostensibly because people grew tired of watching naked men wrestle in the coliseum. Roman athletes were revered because they embodied the pinnacle of discipline, honor, and masculinity. On a higher level, these athletes showed the citizens of Rome how to confront adversity with toughness, quite literally, face first.
You don’t need to put on a toga and fight, but knowing how to throw and take a punch is a time-tested skill every man should have. Boxing can be your Roman Empire moment.
The Basics: Learning to Fight
You’ve heard the adage: every fight ends up on the ground. It’s true, but they all start on the feet, and it’s your job to put the other person on the ground while avoiding being there.
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The first thing boxing lessons will teach you is the stance, which allows for stability and the quick transfer of force – the rotation of your hips and feet as you punch. The second thing you’ll learn is how to protect yourself by keeping your fists near your cheeks. This covers important areas like your orbital bones, chin, and jawline – in boxing vernacular, these are called the “buttons” – where a single impact can render a person unconscious.
As you progress with your boxing lessons, you’ll learn distance. Anything within arm’s length is a threat. Scour X(formerly Twitter) and, within seconds, you’ll see two men bumping chests with their arms down pretending they want to fight. This means one of them allowed their opponent to close the distance and become a threat. If the crazed man at Disney is doing this to you, it’s your fault.
The jab – a straight punch using your non-dominant hand – can be used to push the person outside of your personal space. Allow an extra six inches in case he’s got a turkey leg in his hand. They are delicious, but taking one to the dome would be a bummer.
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The intent of the above isn’t to beat the brake off a grown man while his children cry and Minnie Mouse runs away. Assessing a threat, getting in a protective stance, and ensuring distance should be enough to let him know you’re ready for a fight if it comes, but want to avoid it. That’s the point. Most people can identify someone trained to fight, reassess their righteous anger, and demure. Avoiding a fight will make your wife happy, and you could find yourself being the happiest man at the happiest place on earth. It’s not about fighting; it’s about having the confidence you can handle one.
Health Benefits: Physical and Mental Toughness
Much like your love making, boxing happens in three-minute spurts. Also, like your love making, it’s exhausting. Unlike your love making, boxing goes multiple rounds after only a minute of rest. An hour at a boxing gym will burn approximately 1000 calories – and that’s without being punched in the face.
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Boxing builds endurance, strength, and agility. No machine or dumbbell compares to a heavy bag and a pair of sixteen-ounce gloves. The cardiovascular conditioning is second to none. Repetition teaches muscle memory, such as throwing a punch and moving your hand back to protect your face. It becomes a reflex to attack and immediately defend yourself.
As a bonus, you’ll burn fat, build lean muscle, learn proper posture while fatigued, and master the ability to breathe under pressure. Granted, the pressure is on you to try not to double over from a lack of oxygen. The longer you practice, the easier it gets. Boxers learn to breathe out when they punch, so their lungs deflate and naturally inflate after. It’s like Lamaze, but you don’t have to push a watermelon out of yourself. Total win.
Ultimately, Boxing will push you to your physical and mental limits. You’ll begin to see the world in three-minute bursts. In the ring, three minutes initially feels like forever. As you progress, you’ll realize how much you can do in three minutes. Run the hill? Three minutes. Move the couch? Three minutes. Fill the dishwasher? Three minutes. Make love? Two minutes and eight seconds – you’re a fighter, not a machine.
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Technique Triumphs: Putting it Together
Hopefully, you’re able to avoid a fight, but if you can’t, your goal is to get through one with limited injuries.
A boxer fracture is when you break the fifth metacarpal bone in your hand, just below the knuckle of the pinky. You know who rarely gets boxer fractures? Boxers. Rudimentary training teaches you to punch using the knuckles of your pointer and middle fingers, leveraging the larger bones which are less prone to breaking. You’ll also learn to throw a straight punch, ensuring the larger bones of your forearm brace your wrist and hand.
When confronted, assume your boxing stance, with hands up, to protect yourself. Don’t let them within arm’s reach. Push them back using your non-dominant hand while protecting your face. If they still want beef (do the cool kids still say that?), offer them the entire cow.
Use your jab to gauge distance and distract your opponent. He can’t hit what he can’t see. The cross is thrown after the jab, with the dominant hand, to knock the ears off his head and the smile off his face (the ol’ one-two). This should be enough for anyone to rethink violence unless they’re also trained in the art of pugilism.
The Final Round
You don’t need to be the next Mike Tyson – especially since he lost to Jake Paul – to reap the benefits of boxing lessons. If you can’t avoid a fight, by learning the basics of boxing, you’ll be ready for one if it happens. Every man should know what it feels like to fight back, take a hit, and stand tall…even if it’s at Disney Land.
